#012: The Infinite Reset

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i’m losing

At my desk, my cursor blinks on a blank screen, waiting. Fingers hovering over the keyboard, I reach for my phone instead.

I don't even realize what I'm doing until I'm at least three posts down.

A quiet voice: This isn't what you want to be doing right now.

Another part of me – primal, mechanical – keeps scrolling, unbothered.

Minutes later, I’m in front of the fridge, staring inside like it holds the answer to a question I didn’t know I was asking.

Small as these moments are, they hit me with pangs of shame.

Each time I distract myself (against my better judgment), it feels like I’m casting a vote for a narrative I wish I didn’t believe:

I'm not in control of myself. I never will be.

what doesn’t work

Most advice on breaking habits is rigid.

Even this extremely popular book on habits has a strict understanding of consistency.

Miss one day? Fine. Miss two? Slippery slope.

It sounds reasonable—until you mess up three, eight, twelve times in a row.

By then, the shame is so heavy that we can barely admit it to ourselves. We abandon ship, shove that intention into some dark corner of our mind, and pretend we never cared that much about changing it in the first place.

We do this because admitting we've failed (again and again) is a much harder pill than walking away.

the third option

In meditation, thoughts arise. Interesting ones distract us – constantly. That's just what the mind does.

What makes meditation powerful is what happens after you noticed you've gotten distracted. You bring your attention back to the present. Again and again, without judgment.

The same mind that generates thoughts during meditation is the same mind triggering me to pick up my phone, dig into the pita chips, or fall into any other loop.

What if we approached breaking habits with the same detached mindset we bring to meditation?

I call this approach infinite resetting.

infinite resetting is a numbers game

Infinite resetting is simple: You reset and recenter every time you drift off course. It’s as small as pausing and returning to the present moment.

How’s that different from the typical approach?

On the surface, it looks the same.

Inside, it feels radically different because in infinite resetting, like meditation, drifting isn't failure. It's expected. It’s part of the process.

It's a game you're free to restart as many times as you'd like.

Infinite resetting helps you zoom out¹ to expose behavioral change for what it really is: a numbers game.

Each day, our minds process thousands of thought loops² . Most pass unnoticed. But a few—especially the charged ones—hook us, sparking overthinking, bingeing, scrolling...

What we miss is how many loops we successfully override. Wins go unnoticed because they don’t sting like slip-ups do.

infinite resetting is shameless

We’re taught that a little shame keeps us in line. But I’ve found the opposite to be true.

Shame muddies the water, making change harder.

Sure, it can drive short-term results, but white-knuckling through life comes with a sense of heaviness that's hard to carry forever.

Infinite resetting offers a radically different approach: endless grace. It gives you the space and time needed to undo patterns that may have been hardwired for decades or even lifetimes.

how to do it

Infinite resetting works best for habits—behavioral or mental—that you want to stop.

step 1. Identify an unhelpful habit, and be honest about how it affects you.

Here are a few of mine (and how they affect me):

• Worrying about a future task while doing something else (⬇ flow)

• Dreading plans that require effort (⬇ presence/excitement)

• Worrying I don't have enough time (⬇ ease during my day)

• Snacking (⬇ appetite)

• Picking up my phone when I feel resistance (⬇ focus)

step 2. Notice next time you're in an unwanted habit or thought loop. You might catch it before acting or 15 minutes into a YouTube hole. Either way, once you're "conscious," observe without judgment.

step 3. Become an anthropologist of your physical experience. Do you feel tension? Are you holding your breath? Is the chest tight? Mind buzzing?

step 4. When you feel some energy dissipate (and it will), pause. Close your eyes, and take one deep breath.

Now, press the reset button:

Put down your phone. Roll up the bag of chips. Let go of the rumination, and (gently) go back to what you were doing.

step 5. If you fall back in the cycle moments later, don't let this discourage you. (This is normal. Remember, your thoughts are incessantly regenerating!) Pause, breathe, and reset. Think of it as guiding a restless 5-year-old back to their seat. Lead with compassion.

Infinite resetting is really a game.of persistence and self-compassion. Internalize these thought loops as opportunities presented to you on a platter, and your response becomes lighter, maybe even playful.

When you approach change with a lightweight grip, it changes everything.

cheers,

Silvi

1 - I'm convinced zooming out solves most of life's problems.
2 - A 2005 National Science Foundation study suggests 12,000-60000 thoughts are being generated each day. I had a hard time finding the actual 2005 study (despite finding several articles that cite this) but in any case, most of us are usually dealing with a bunch of mental chatter.