#007: Emotional Resilience

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intro

A while ago, I wrote about flow state — how to get into it and stay there. The idea was twofold:

• Manage your time, environment, and body so you can let go of them. (You can't get into flow without eventually letting go of these factors.)

• Consistently redirect your energy back to the task, drying the distraction “valves” and intensifying your focus where you want it.

Sounds simple in theory, doesn’t it? Sometimes, it can be. But then there’s Level 5 to 10 of focusing:

When the distracting thought has to do with the task itself, and it carries an emotional pulse. Like a thorny judgment about the task or even about yourself.

Without thinking, you take the thought as truth (kind of the default mode for handling thoughts). This generates more thoughts, which develop into deeper emotional imprints of doubt, confusion, or just plain fear.

“What if this is wrong?”
“What if this is a waste of time?”
“What if I never figure this out?”

One "what if" thread wraps over the task. Then another. Every time you think about the task, you get caught in a new knot of resistance. It can feel like your mind and body are conspiring against you.

Procrastination is just one big, tangled ball of yarn you’ve spun. And the more important the task is to you, the harder it is to get untangled.

I've been there. I'm there all the time! Even in earlier drafts of this issue, waves of confusion and doubt fuddled me as I tried to write about dissolving them.

Zooming out, these emotionally charged thoughts result from old thought patterns colliding with reality.

The anxiety, doubt or confusion? It's nothing but disturbed energy. As these associations from the past resurface, they produce wrinkles of discomfort in the present moment.

The good news is that emotions (energy in motion) like fear, confusion, or even hopelessness become significantly more tolerable when we understand why they're there.

We can view them as prickly thorns of seeds we planted a long time ago instead of signals that mean something about you or even the task.

This is the key to real emotional resilience.

Emotional resilience is not learning to drown for longer periods of time. Or suffering through burnout longer than anyone else.

The key is in the persistent, almost compulsive, ability to pull yourself out, so you can ride the waves in front of you.

Changing your internal world so you feel more spaciousness, flow, and ease will radically change how you view and engage in any task, no matter how challenging it initially seems.

The following is a "recentering" meditation I wrote to remind myself how to navigate a task while I encounter mental and emotional "speedbumps."

Read the following slowly, and return to this perspective anytime you’re avoiding something or when a task feels especially challenging.

the meditation

Hello, you. 👋

Draw air into your abdomen. Hold. Exhale slowly.

Take another deep breath. Take an extra sip of air at the top. Feel the bottoms of your feet. Relax your shoulders. Unclench your jaw.

Deep exhale. Follow with normal breaths.

Consider the outline of your body. If it helps, do it piece by piece. The crown of your head, your stomach, your hands, your knees, the soles of your feet.

Your body is a portal into the present moment. Draw all of your attention to it.

Let the spaciousness of simply existing in your body wash over. A protective layer envelops you. This is your home base — your "orb of okayness."

Imagine your awareness as water, gently filling your body. As your focus pools in one place, the orb, begins to flicker. Then, it ignites, fully coming online.

Now, look beyond the orb and see your challenging task hanging outside.

What does the task look like? Can you visualize its end product?

If it’s blurry or tangled like a knotty ball of yarn, let that be okay.

You step out of your orb, holding a watering can filled with a mysterious liquid. You pour it onto the task. Any complex knots dissolve, leaving just one small seed.

Pick up the seed, and bring it back to your orb of okayness.

This tiny seed is the smallest concrete action you can take. You can clearly see the end result of this action. If the end result still feels fuzzy, make the task time-bound. (e.g., Research X for 15 minutes.)

As you start concentrating, keep a small part of your attention grounded in your body, keeping the orb “online.” (If it helps, use a specific part of your body, like your nose or your right knee.) The rest of your attention waters the task, helping the seed grow.

Keep watering.

Emotions may start sprouting. They could be positive, like excitement, or negative, like anxiety or doubt.

You might notice that the presence of the sprouting weed makes your orb feel... different. Heavier or unstable. It might feel a little shaky.

The thought-emotion complex might be so unpleasant that you’re tempted to give up and toss everything out of the orb. Seed with the weed. Baby with the bath water.

If you ever feel this way, here's your reminder:

The seed and the weed are separate from one another. The unpleasant thought-emotion is separate from your present task. Your mind associated this type of task (or its outcome) with a deep insecurity a long time ago, and that’s why engaging in this task is bringing up weird stuff.

If, for example, your job is deeply intertwined with self-worth or simply feeling safe in the world, applying for jobs can trigger strong emotions (both positive and negative) due to this association.

When we face and accept these emotions (instead of resisting them or getting lost in an old narrative), we allow them to pass through.

How exactly do we do this?

Get out of your mind and drop into your body. Notice the very physical sensations that are taking place: The tension. The heat. The constriction. The fatigue. The heaviness.

Each weed has its physical nature, and while the feeling itself might not feel "okay," you are okay with it being there. Relax behind it. Be comfortable with this discomfort.

If you’re not used to meditating, your awareness will float back to your mind. Come back down again and again. Consider this “recentering” from mind to body as if it’s a mental push-up.

Keep breathing.

Let the emotional weed have its moment in the orb. Like a guest who's finally had a chance to sit awhile and chat, it will eventually depart.

Even if it's a little hot and shaky, keep watering the original seed with your attention.

When we allow for the presence (and full acceptance) of the weed without engaging, it will wilt.

Over time, these weeds will come and go in shorter durations. Thornier ones might take their place, but the good news is you'll see right through them.

Resilience is transcending the perceived meaning of uncomfortable emotions and taking one small step after the next towards the world you want to build, both internal and external.

Each time you revisit this perspective, the vision you're holding as well as your self-trust will become more real than the obstacles in your way.

You'll grow exceptionally remarkable things on the outside.

But the real prize, of course, is who you become in the process. Your internal world will grow bigger, brighter, richer, and expanded. It’s possible.

The only way out is through,

Silvi

this week's souvenir

Even when something we read resonates, it doesn't always stick. “This Week’s Souvenir” is an affirmation (or doodle) aligned with this week’s message to help us reset and rewire.